I Luv U.............Hello? R U There?

I Luv U............R U There?  TTYL?

Right off the bat let me start off by saying that I'm over 50, so okay, I might have a different perspective on technology than some of the Gen Xers and beyond.  But, the truth of the matter is, no matter how old or young we are, our family relationships, really all of our relationships, are impacted by how differently we now communicate.  

The convenience of a quick text (or you can insert email here as well) cannot be underestimated.  We've all had those times when we just can't get into an extended conversation with someone, but need to relay some information.  Text it, done.  But the art of texting has gone well beyond the relaying of information.  We now face communication and connection issues that are often the direct result of modern technology.   

THE COWARD TEXT - Have you ever had plans with someone and then need or want to cancel? Texting makes it easy to do without having to hear their disappointment or irritation.  

THE 'I NEED A FAVOR or INVITATION' TEXT - They might say no, and then I'll feel badly.  I'm afraid to ask in person so I'll text my request. Then if they turn me down, they won't hear my disappointment.

THE UNANSWERED TEXT - Maybe they haven't looked at their messages or email lately.  But, maybe they're mad at me.  What did I do?  Why didn't they respond? (Especially hard for insecure individuals).

THE ALL CAPS TEXT - Stop shouting!  Not a way to 'talk' things out.

THE UNENDING TEXTS - What could have been a 5 minute conversation is an afternoon of texting.

THE MISUNDERSTOOD TEXT -Written thoughts often sound differently than if they were said and can have an unintentional tone.  

THE MISDIRECTED TEXT - Horror of horrors, you hit the wrong name in error and send a private thought or personal message to the wrong person. 

Of course, there are wonderful ways that texts and email can enhance relationships.  The spouse stuck in a meeting can send a quick I Love You note.  Or the teenager having to give a report in front of his/her class or about to take a test can get an encouraging note of support from a parent..."You can do it honey".

For someone who did not grow up with texting, email, or social media as part of my everyday life, I am still trying to figure out if the convenience of these means of communicating outweighs the potential impact they have on human relationships.  How many of us have seen couples, even whole families, ignore each other at a restaurant as they each get lost in the private world of their cell phones.  Or had a fun visit or a meaningful conversation with someone interrupted or ended completely when the sound of the Theme from Star Wars ringtone fills the air. 

Speaking of social media, Facebook, Instagram, Twitter...they can all be wonderful tools to stay connected and share a bit about ourselves and our lives with others.  Social media is becoming an important factor in the business world as well.  As a health coach, I myself use social media to share recipes, information, the latest in nutrition news, and inspirational thoughts (https://www.facebook.com/PersonalJourneyWellness; https://twitter.com/peterson_bonnie).  But it can have a flip side.  Why did they unfriend me?  Or worse yet, they blocked me!  What does that mean?  It can be hurtful to say the least. Or you see pictures posted of all your friends together or at a party and wonder why you weren't invited.  You have no way of knowing the circumstances, but the pain of feeling left out is real and can run deep.  Social media posts are often the view of themselves that most people want others to see.  Their reality, however, may be quite different.    

Will we hopefully get tired of talking with our thumbs and learn to face each other again?  Or actually use our phones to hear each others voices...to tell someone how much we care about them and hear their love in return?  Will we move beyond using social media as a primary way to share ourselves with the world, as a tool to shed someone from our lives, or to make a point when we have an issue with a friend or family member?

While understanding that internet and wireless communication is here to stay, my hope is that we can get a handle on our collective attraction to this distraction, and take time to put it down, look around, and experience real life human connection.  

I would love to hear your voice and connect with you.  Would you enjoy having 30 minutes to talk with someone who would love to hear your thoughts and your goals for your health and your life?  I offer a free health coaching consultation call or meetup.  Call me at 859-779-8325 or email me at bonnie@personaljourneywellness.com.  Let's talk!
 

In the meantime, please enjoy this 1 1/2 minute video entitled A Silent Message for All of Us:

 

Who is That Talking to Me? Oh Wait, It's Me

A few months ago I was sitting on a plane waiting to take off for my return flight to Lexington, Kentucky.  Without much to do but sit there, I watched the parade of people looking for their seats go past me.  It's funny how sometimes when you are not concentrating on work, reading, making plans, or whatever, the strangest thoughts come into your mind. As I sat there it struck me that every person that walked past me had two eyes, one nose, one mouth, one chin (okay some had more than one chin), but not one person looked the same.   Even though we have the same moving parts, the nuanced differences give us our one-of-a-kind appearance.  There are many different eye shapes, colors, and sizes.  Our hair and skin comes in many shades.  Noses can be straight, crooked, wide, or narrow.  Our lip outline, size, and color varies.  Ears can be big or small, stick out or be tight to the head.  Put these varying combinations on different shaped heads and our unique sameness as humans is on display.

The same applies to the rest of our bodies-same parts, but our shape, height, and muscular structure set us apart. On the inside, we have the same organs in the same places, but there are differences there as well, for example, our digestive systems.  My mom was deathly allergic to mushrooms.  Many people are lactose intolerant or gluten sensitive. Others have a stomach of steel...seems they can eat anything and never get sick.  And there are those that have very sensitive constitutions with a list of no-no foods.  Our bodies also respond differently.  Have you seen a friend lose weight and feel great on a certain diet plan, but you didn't lose an ounce and felt terrible?  That is where bio-individuality comes in.  Each of us has different nutritional requirements, tastes, and metabolisms.  That is why we need to discover a way of eating that works for us individually.  How do we do that?

Amazingly, our bodies will lead the way.  Our bodies are constantly talking to us, sometimes in whispers (I feel so lazy today), sometimes a little louder (that bacon burger was good, but now I don't feel so hot), and sometimes in shouts (I've got a splitting headache).  We need to listen.  We need to stop ignoring the signs and symptoms that our body is constantly sending us that it needs our help.  It wants to heal.  Give it what it needs and it will respond.

I don't need to tell you what it's crying out for...fresh, healthy food and adequate exercise.  You know the drill. What many don't realize is that even small steps in the right direction will provide relief.  There is a variety of good food out there, so there is bound to be a few that will work for you that you can incorporate into a healthy eating plan.  If you need help, a health coach can provide the support and tools you need.  I offer private one-on-one coaching, group sessions, a jumpstart plan to get you going, and detox plans designed to give your liver and digestive system a well deserved break.

Shhh...what is that you hear?  It's your body...listen to it's wisdom.  Honor it.

www.personaljourneywellness.com
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The Mental Game of Weight Gain

I am a health coach.  I exercise regularly, eat well, and try to manage stress as naturally as possible.  And since March of last year I gained  6 lbs.!!  How could this happen?

I don't normally weigh myself because, for me, it freaks me out to see numbers fluctuate.  However, I went to have my yearly physical done and unfortunately there is no getting around that scale.  Ok...initial reaction...feel like crying....second reaction....suddenly I feel like I did when I weighed 100 lbs. more than this, big on the outside and small on the inside.  My self-confidence and energy just seemed to drain out of me as if someone had pulled a plug from me and I lost my connection with all that made me proud to be me.

This might seem like an overreaction to some, but for those of us who have always struggled with weight issues, 6 lbs. can be the beginning of a very slippery slope.

So as I sit here I see these options before me:

Option 1: Stay in the 'what a loser I am' mentality.  Who am I to help anyone else when I'm on my way back to being a plus size (now there's an expression that should be banned from the English language) person.  I can choose to stay stuck in this feeling sorry for myself and the "I am not good enough" frame of mind and throw all care to the wind.

Option 2:  I can analyze and reevaluate what I might be doing, not doing, or have done to cause the gain (okay, the pizza and cheesecake marathon I went on when I was in NYC a couple of weeks ago didn't help).  And, truth be told, I do know where I've slacked a bit and those things can easily and quickly be improved upon. I can remind myself that all weight is either gained or lost one pound at a time, one day at a time, one meal at a time, and move forward with choices that will get me back on track.

We tend to think about our weight as a physical challenge, and there is no doubt that it is.  But it is also a mental game we play with ourselves.   It is not only about how we look to others, but, more importantly, how we look at ourselves.  It is about how much we can control our inner critics as much as it is about how we can control our eating habits.

When we realize we have a choice is when we empower ourselves to quiet that inner voice that is telling us 'why bother?' or 'it's too hard' or 'I can't do this'.  We can choose to believe we are not worth it and all is lost.  Or we can focus our thoughts on our strengths, our gifts, and how much we have to be thankful for in life. Setbacks are a part of living, it is in the recovery that the course of our lives can be determined.

A true mindshift comes when we realize that option 2 is the only option there is.

Now, I have to run.  There is a treadmill calling my name.

www.personaljourneywellness.com

Food Fight! Who Wins?

When I saw this picture, I just laughed out loud. I thought how a few years ago I might have been cheering on the 'donut' contender.  It made me realize how much my life, and eating habits, have changed over the last few years.

We are all in a food fight, of sorts, as we are all in a battle for good health.  Who are our opponents?  The most obvious culprits are, of course, salt, refined sugars, high fructose corn syrup, and transfats.  But the battleground in this war is much broader and the odds are unfortunately stacked against us.

In this Corner......

Advertising Low fat!  All Natural!  Heart Healthy!  I once unquestioningly believed advertising claims. They wouldn't be allowed to say it if it wasn't true right?  Right and wrong.  A product can honestly advertise it is endorsed by the American Heart Association as a heart healthy food, but still be chock full of sugar, leading to diabetes and obesity.  The art of food advertising is oftentimes the art of misleading information.

Additives I have to admit, chemistry was my least favorite subject in high school.  I barely passed and was glad to get it behind me.  Now I feel as if I'm still trying to decipher the periodic table every time I go to the supermarket.  What are all these mysterious ingredients doing in food? In short, it is an issue of quantity over quality.  To keep mass produced food products available and affordable, commercial food companies have deemed it necessary to include chemical additives that extend the shelf life of their packaged edibles.  These chemical ingredients are designed to disguise the problems of our modern food industry, i.e., the long stretch of time between harvest and consumption, the bland taste of some food products, and the rigors of high volume factory production methods. 

Food Confusion  To reduce our fat intake, we were once urged to use margarine instead of butter.  Then the dangers of transfats were unearthed.  Artificial sweeteners were heralded as a safe answer to weight loss.  Studies now show a link to various cancers.  I won't even get into the egg/cholesterol controversy.  You see where I'm going.  As consumers we rely on science, the government, and the media to provide us the information we need.  However, the world of nutrition has become incredibly complex;  the FDA is woefully underfunded and understaffed, and, as some experts believe, not entirely objective in it's evaluations; and there are a plethora of diet books and opposing theories that try to grab our attention. How do we know who or what is right?

And In This Corner......

Fruits, Vegetables, and Whole Grains  Whew!  That one was easy.  

Our bodies function best on one ingredient foods that do not require a label and are not produced in a factory.  Eating high quality, nutritious food is simple.  They are readily available and can easily be incorporated into our daily lives.  Here are some tips to fit more of them into your diet:

1. Keep a bowl of fruit on the counter or in the refrigerator for an easy snack-on-the-go.
2. Increase the vegetables in soups, salads, pastas, sandwiches, pizzas, casseroles or other recipes.
3. Shred, grate or puree vegetables and mix (or 'hide' if there are children or fussy family members involved) into meatloaf, mashed potatoes, pasta sauce or rice dishes.
4. Try a new vegetable in traditional recipes.
5. Instead of bread or tortillas, make your next wrap using leafy greens and stuff with your favorite chopped vegetables. 

We are bombarded with new products, information, advertising and research every day.  But the voices touting the nutritional value of fresh, whole foods are also growing louder.  So who, ultimately, will win the food fight?  

You decide.

 For more tips on healthy living, go to:  http://www.personaljourneywellness.com/

Photo reproduced from Sky Magazine.

The Empty Pool

Do you at times feel like the proverbial 'black cloud' is your constant companion?  I've been thinking a lot about that question as my husband and I made our annual trip out west.  Marty has work and family in California and Arizona, and I tag along to escape a bit of the Kentucky cold and enjoy visits with family and friends.  So last week I packed my swimsuit and shorts and off we went.  Then the jet stream took a deep nosedive!

As temperatures in Southern California and Arizona hit near freezing (among the coldest days in 22 years), my family in Kentucky is basking in 65 degree warmth.  I keep glancing out my hotel window at the empty pool and thinking of the unfairness of my plight. I should be out there, soaking up the sun, feeling the warmth on my skin and pitying those who are shivering in their parkas up north.

Usually this is the part where I cry and complain about how these things always happen to me.   You see, I have always been an eternal pessimist, focusing on the negative of every situation.  In learning about health and wellness, however, I came to realize that an important component of good health is our life's view.  We can eat kale and quinoa, run 3 miles a day, and sleep like a baby, but if we cannot see the good in ourselves and our lives, we are affecting our health, longevity, and vulnerability to depression, as well as our professional and social success. Sadly, pessimistic thinkers face an increased likelihood of troubles in all those areas, and more.

In the course of his research, Martin Seligman Ph.D., author of "Authentic Happiness" found that pessimistic, negative-minded people tend to be less healthy, less proactive about their health, more apt to die young.  They are more likely to be less socially and professionally successful and do worse in school and sports than optimistic, positive-minded types. They also have rockier interpersonal relationships and more trouble achieving lasting happiness.
 
Optimists, meanwhile, tend toward happiness naturally.  They tend to have lower blood pressure and higher levels of immunity. They take better health precautions, seek out more health information, and endure pain better. Research indicates that happiness encourages productivity and is also a predictor of better job reviews and higher income.

Seligman goes on to explain that it all comes down to two world views.  Optimists tend to see positive events as evidence of permanent and enduring positive reality, or a reflection of their own accomplishment and value. They see negative events as temporary, unlucky or situation-specific setbacks that have little or nothing to do with them. With pessimists, however, it’s just the opposite. They see negative events as evidence of permanent and enduring negative truths, or as a reflection of their own incompetence or imperfection. Meanwhile, they see positive events as temporary, haphazard or situation-specific strokes of good fortune that have little or nothing to do with them.

Pessimism and optimism are reflections not of the things that happen in your life — the things that do or do not befall you — but rather of how you explain or interpret the events that occur. As a lifelong pessimist, I have always viewed negative events as indicative of my life being cursed (as if somehow the bad weather this week only affected me).  But, I am now more aware of this tendency, which is the first step toward change.  I recognize that my thoughts and beliefs about any situation can either serve or sabotage me.

Now I have a choice.  I can sit and look at the empty pool and bemoan the fact that I'm not in it, certain that nothing in my life ever goes right.  Or, I can be grateful for a wonderful visit with family and friends, the laughter, good times, and good food we shared. 

So as the temperature sits at 49 degrees, I no longer look at the empty pool with envy for those who will yet enjoy it, but I see the sun shining and am basking in memories of love and laughter (and the delicious ahi tuna taco I had last night!).

What do you see in your empty pool?

www.personaljourneywellness.com