I don't normally weigh myself because, for me, it freaks me out to see numbers fluctuate. However, I went to have my yearly physical done and unfortunately there is no getting around that scale. Ok...initial reaction...feel like crying....second reaction....suddenly I feel like I did when I weighed 100 lbs. more than this, big on the outside and small on the inside. My self-confidence and energy just seemed to drain out of me as if someone had pulled a plug from me and I lost my connection with all that made me proud to be me.
This might seem like an overreaction to some, but for those of us who have always struggled with weight issues, 6 lbs. can be the beginning of a very slippery slope.
So as I sit here I see these options before me:
Option 1: Stay in the 'what a loser I am' mentality. Who am I to help anyone else when I'm on my way back to being a plus size (now there's an expression that should be banned from the English language) person. I can choose to stay stuck in this feeling sorry for myself and the "I am not good enough" frame of mind and throw all care to the wind.
Option 2: I can analyze and reevaluate what I might be doing, not doing, or have done to cause the gain (okay, the pizza and cheesecake marathon I went on when I was in NYC a couple of weeks ago didn't help). And, truth be told, I do know where I've slacked a bit and those things can easily and quickly be improved upon. I can remind myself that all weight is either gained or lost one pound at a time, one day at a time, one meal at a time, and move forward with choices that will get me back on track.
We tend to think about our weight as a physical challenge, and there is no doubt that it is. But it is also a mental game we play with ourselves. It is not only about how we look to others, but, more importantly, how we look at ourselves. It is about how much we can control our inner critics as much as it is about how we can control our eating habits.
When we realize we have a choice is when we empower ourselves to quiet that inner voice that is telling us 'why bother?' or 'it's too hard' or 'I can't do this'. We can choose to believe we are not worth it and all is lost. Or we can focus our thoughts on our strengths, our gifts, and how much we have to be thankful for in life. Setbacks are a part of living, it is in the recovery that the course of our lives can be determined.
A true mindshift comes when we realize that option 2 is the only option there is.
Now, I have to run. There is a treadmill calling my name.
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